Well, we finally made it to Disney World. Unfortunately, it was 2 years too late and missing one very special little girl. We have wanted to take the kids for years, but we wanted to wait until they were a little older (and our pockets were a little fuller). The week before "the accident," we were making plans to go. Ryan told Macie that he would stay in Canada an extra week to earn enough money for the trip. Little did we know what was awaiting us.
After the accident, the thought of Disney World made me want to vomit. How could we ever go without Macie? It just wasn't fair. After the first year, we finally had enough strength to start planning the trip, and we didn't want the other kids to miss out. It's a strange feeling to be filled with excitement and dread the same time. I was excited to get away and enjoy a vacation with the kids, but dreaded the constant ache that would accompany the loss. I cried the entire evening that I packed our bags. Macie would have been the most excited to go, and she never had the chance. I keep reminding myself that Heaven is better than Disney World, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I thought that the loss would be more painful when we arrived, but it wasn't. I've come to realize that it rarely changes. It's like the air I breathe. It surrounds me everywhere I go. I can't get away from it. It doesn't just creep in on holidays, or anniversaries, or on vacations. It's what I breathe in day, after day, after day.
The kids and I wanted to fly (this was their first time on a plane), but Ryan was apprehensive. He caved in, and did better than I expected. The only time Ryan has been on a plane was the day he left for Canada. He was standing in the Edmonton airport when he found out about Macie. He spent about 15 hours trying to get home without anyone by his side. He was all alone, in another country, trying to get back to his family. All he knew was that Jordan was airlifted, and Macie didn't make it. He didn't even know that Jordan was OK until he arrived in St. Louis. I still can't imagine how he felt...so desperate and helpless.
We went to Disney's Animal Kingdom first. As we were walking up to the first ride, a plane was writing in the sky. It was spelling U + God =. We didn't see the final product, but it was enough to remind us that Macie is with God. We spent 5 days at Disney and on the 6th day we went to the Holy Land Experience in Orlando. It was beautiful and relaxing, and the kids really enjoyed it. We took the Lord's supper while we were there, and it made quite and impact on Carter. He's been asking questions, and he wants to get baptized.
We made sure to bring back a Minnie Mouse doll for Macie's bed. She really liked Minnie. I used to find drawings of Minnie and Mickey around the house, and she would write about them in her journal. Oh, how I wish things were different.....
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| Downtown Disney outside of the Lego store |
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| Animal Kingdom |
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| A plane was making this in the sky when we arrived at Disney's Animal Kingdom. |
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| Smiling in their new Mickey shirts |
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| The entrance to Holy Land Experience |
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| In the empty tomb replica |
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| Macie's Minnie Mouse doll |
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| A journal entry of Macie's |
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| Macie's sketch of Mickey, Minnie, and Pluto |
I'm so, so glad you all went together to Disney. We've had some of the most wonderful, memorable times there. I know you never took Macie, but it wasn't for lack of wanting to -- you were trying, like most people, to save and wait and be practical. I wish you could have seen the end of the "sky" message. I think I would think it should say "complete, whole, lacking no good thing."
ReplyDeleteI think about all of you so often. Certainly don't want to cause more pain than you've already experienced by communicating too often. Please know that I still pray for all of you.
Have you ever visited lynnettekraft.blogspot.com? Maybe some of her words...or even her book...would minister to you? She lives in Kansas and was flying (for the 1st time) to Harrisburg PA to meet a blog friend from NY at a Christian blogger's conference. Anyway, since I'm only 1 1/2 hours away, I drove to meet them too.
Maybe I'll see you too...someday.
"Be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."
Thank You Jesus. Thank You.