About Me

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Hello and welcome to my blog! My name is Amanda Crow. I am a mother of four amazing children: three who are here with me on earth, and one who is awaiting our reunion in heaven. I am a homeschooling mom who embraces the life God has given me.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Something you should know

Ok, it's been almost 2 years, but my sharp mind has yet to return. I was always such an organized person, and I rarely forgot anything (except for where my keys were). However, since the accident, I can't remember anything. I forget when I have made appointments, I forget to send emails or return phone calls, I forget why I walk into a room, I can't remember birthdays, and I actually have to look at my address book to remember someones address and phone number (I NEVER had to do that before). It's incredibly frustrating and even more frustrating when people get mad at me for it. Grief can do really weird things to the mind. Another grieving mother told me that post-traumatic stress can cause physical brain damage. This damage and the stress over a loss can wreak havoc on the memory. So please don't get offended or annoyed with me or Ryan if we forget to say or do something....it's not intentional.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise:
be thankful unto him, and bless his name. Psalm 100:4

When you are grieving, it can be so hard to be thankful.
Every morning we wake up and make a choice to live life with gratitude.
As Don Piper said, "You can either get bitter or get better...it's up to you."

Things to be thankful for in 2010:
  • The strength to endure another year
  • The fact that good days are starting to out way the bad
  • We haven't had any family funerals to attend this year
  • The kids are healthy and free from any lasting emotional damage (that is a miracle in itself considering what they have gone through)
  • Our new construction business is doing well
  • We are surrounded by loving family and friends
  • Life is starting to be lived with purpose again
  • Most importantly-We are thankful for our Lord and Savior, Jesus, for the gift of eternal life. Without Him, we would not have hope or the promise of heaven one day.
  • I am so thankful that we have built our lives on God's truths and His promises had become our foundation. That foundation prevented us from crumbling in such a difficult time.

    We were able to seak refuge in God instead of running from Him.
    The Bible warns us that in this life we will have trials and tribulations.
    It's not a matter of if we will have them but when.
    As a favorite song of mine goes: "We are all just one phone call from our knees."

Photos taken by Rebecca Schmidt (a mom from Carter's preschool).
She kindly offered her services and wanted to take our family's photos. 

Macie's new Christmas tree. 
We decorated it on Tuesday before the cold weather came in.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Disney World

Well, we finally made it to Disney World. Unfortunately, it was 2 years too late and missing one very special little girl.  We have wanted to take the kids for years, but we wanted to wait until they were a little older (and our pockets were a little fuller). The week before "the accident," we were making plans to go. Ryan told Macie that he would stay in Canada an extra week to earn enough money for the trip.  Little did we know what was awaiting us. 

After the accident, the thought of Disney World made me want to vomit. How could we ever go without Macie? It just wasn't fair. After the first year, we finally had enough strength to start planning the trip, and we didn't want the other kids to miss out.  It's a strange feeling to be filled with excitement and dread the same time. I was excited to get away and enjoy a vacation with the kids, but dreaded the constant ache that would accompany the loss.  I cried the entire evening that I packed our bags.  Macie would have been the most excited to go, and she never had the chance. I keep reminding myself that Heaven is better than Disney World, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I thought that the loss would be more painful when we arrived, but it wasn't. I've come to realize that it rarely changes. It's like the air I breathe. It surrounds me everywhere I go. I can't get away from it. It doesn't just creep in on holidays, or anniversaries, or on vacations. It's what I breathe in day, after day, after day.  

The kids and I wanted to fly (this was their first time on a plane), but Ryan was apprehensive. He caved in, and did better than I expected.  The only time Ryan has been on a plane was the day he left for Canada. He was standing in the Edmonton airport when he found out about Macie. He spent about 15 hours trying to get home without anyone by his side. He was all alone, in another country, trying to get back to his family. All he knew was that Jordan was airlifted, and Macie didn't make it. He didn't even know that Jordan was OK until he arrived  in St. Louis.  I still can't imagine how he felt...so desperate and helpless. 

We went to Disney's Animal Kingdom first. As we were walking up to the first ride, a plane was writing in the sky. It was spelling U + God =. We didn't see the final product, but it was enough to remind us that Macie is with God. We spent 5 days at Disney and on the 6th day we went to the Holy Land Experience in Orlando. It was beautiful and relaxing, and the kids really enjoyed it. We took the Lord's supper while we were there, and it made quite and impact on Carter. He's been asking questions, and he wants to get baptized.

We made sure to bring back a Minnie Mouse doll for Macie's bed. She really liked Minnie.  I used to find drawings of Minnie and Mickey around the house, and she would write about them in her journal. Oh, how I wish things were different.....
Downtown Disney outside of the Lego store

Animal Kingdom

A plane was making this in the sky when we arrived at Disney's Animal Kingdom.

Smiling in their new Mickey shirts

The entrance to Holy Land Experience

In the empty tomb replica

Macie's Minnie Mouse doll

A journal entry of Macie's

Macie's sketch of Mickey, Minnie, and Pluto

Friday, October 1, 2010

Macie's Corner

African Vision of Hope has decided to use the funds we raised to designate an area of their Hope Library and call it "Macie's Corner." This library is at one of their schools in Kabulonga, and it's the only library they have ever seen in Zambia. Isn't it cool that Macie's memory can live on, even on the other side of the world? Hopefully, we will be able to see this library in person one day and to meet the children that this wonderful organization is helping.

Under Macie's name is James 1:27. The Scripture says:
Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: To care for orphans and widows in their misfortune and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Golf Tournament

We want to say "thank you" to everyone who attended the 2nd Annual Macie Memorial Golf Tournament and to everyone who brought desserts and auction items. The weather was beautiful, the food was great, and the time with family and friends was a blessing. All the money raised went directly to African Vision of Hope www.africanvisionofhope.org. We felt this would be a good way to honor Macie. She had such a heart for these children, and my other kids do too. Jordan is already asking when he can be Missionary so he can go to Zambia and help the children. Judi Bertels presented us with a beautiful quilt that has the precious hand prints of the children from one of their schools. My children think this is the greatest treasure. Not only do we have an item from Africa, they have a visible reminder of the children we can help.

Friday, September 17, 2010

2nd Annual Macie Crow
Memorial Golf Tournament
Saturday, September 18, 2010

Oakbrook Golf  Club
9157 Fruit Rd, Edwardsville, IL 62025

(618) 656-5600

(Registration starts @ 7:00 am)

$70 per golfer or $280 per team
(all proceeds will be given to African Vision of Hope)

Food and soft drinks provided !
Door prizes ! Skins Game ! Longest Drive ! Closest to the hole and much, much more !

Contacts : Ryan Crow (618) 447-8662
Steven Crow (618) 795-1966

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


There is another couple from our church who is burying their child this week. I had no words of wisdom or comfort for them...all I can say to myself is WHY? I know God is sovereign and works all things for good for those that love Him, but why can't He give His children some answers when they need them? I remember how small Macie's casket was, but this casket was so much smaller. I looked at it and thanked God that I was able to watch Macie grow, at least for a while. Why do these parents have to bury their son, yet there are babies born to drug addicts that survive? Why do people struggle with infertility, yet over 4,000 babies a day are aborted. Why did my daughter die when we were always so protective. For crying out loud, I didn't even let my kids eat foods with high-fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, or sodium nitrites. I always knew where they were. They weren't allowed to ride their bikes around the neighborhood, or walk home from the bus stop (which I only allowed Jordan to ride home once a week). So why did my daughter die when there are so many parents that could care less where their kids are??? My daughter was killed playing in her back yard with her brother. Where's the justice in that? What did these parents do to deserve their heartache? Whenever I get on this rampage, I feel a strong conviction and realize that nothing in life is fair.

Is it fair that I have a happy marriage, while our friends are getting divorced? Why was I able to conceive 4 healthy children without ever trying, yet my sister-in-law can't conceive one? Why do we have loving families around us to help us through our grief, yet there are orphans without a home? Why do we always have plenty to eat when much of the world goes hungry? Absolutely nothing in this life is fair. It's also not fair that Jesus had to die for our sins, but he did. One day our questions will be answered, but until then, I believe God can handle our "whys."

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


There is a song called While I'm Waiting that my kids and I really like. It reminds us of our daily walk. I feel like we are constantly waiting on something. We wait for answers, we wait for signs, we wait for healing, and most of all we wait for Jesus to return so we can all be reunited again. The thought of Christ coming back soon and our world forever changing as we know it causes many to become anxious and tremble.  Not our family! We are so ready for our eternal lives. Life is so much easier to handle when you have an eternal perspective. We are always reminding ourselves that this is not our home...we are only passing through.

Lyrics to While I'm Waiting :

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Friday, August 13, 2010

Macie's 9th Birthday

Tuesday, August 10th was Macie's 9th birthday. We went to the cemetery with the family to release balloons again, and then to my parent's house to swim. Macie enjoyed having her birthday party at their house so she could hang out in the pool. We've decided to keep that tradition alive. I keep wondering how tall she would be, what her hair would look like, what gymnastics level she would be in....I will always wonder about these things. I see some of her old friends growing up, and all I have are memories of Macie as a 7 year old.  We miss her so much! I can't believe two birthday's have already passed.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Getting stronger

I was doing some push-ups the other day, and realized I was able to do more reps than before. I was a little sore the next day, but I like the burn because I know it is working to strengthen my arms. Without stress and pain, the muscles never grow. The muscles must first be torn. Then with time and the proper nutrition, the muscle repairs itself and adds additional tissue along the way. This made me think about my own cardiac muscles-my HEART. The heart cannot grow if it has never felt pain. I know that with enough time and Jesus (He who is able to supply all my needs), my heart will also grow stronger. I have to trust God with my pain, and let Him use it for good in my life.

Isaiah 61:3
God will provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Macie's Garden

Macie would be so excited to know that her memorial garden won the Green Thumb Award!!! Building that garden was the best therapy for our family last year, and it has brought a lot of beauty to our yard.

Back From Camp

We had so much fun at camp! I was surprised to find out that it wasn't as difficult as I thought. Jordan and Macie were supposed to go together last year, but of course that didn't happen. I thought it would be a lot harder being there and knowing that Macie never had the opportunity to attend. The goal at camp is to get the kids to disconnect from the outside world and to realize their need for Jesus. It brought tears to my eyes to watch some of the children accept Jesus. Fortunately, Macie had already accepted Christ and she was prepared to be with Him. All of the fun at camp could never compare to the fun we will have in heaven! I still missed her terribly and wished she could have been in our cabin with us. One of Macie's friends from preschool was in our group, and it was strange watching her and Kaylee hang out together. Macie should have been right there with them.

Carter, on the other hand, didn't enjoy his week at all. He was too young to attend camp, and he has never been away from me for more than a night. He spent a lot of time crying, and whenever I would call home, he would yell, "come home NOW!!!" We were so excited to see each other on Friday. He ran right to me, and we were both holding back tears. I was able to get a glimpse of what my reunion with Macie might look like one day.

Monday, June 28, 2010


We are asking for lots of prayer this week. I am leaving this morning with Jordan and Kaylee for church camp. Carter is staying behind with Ryan because he is not old enough to go. We will be at camp until Friday. I have never left any of my children for that long, and I am really nervous about it. My family has not been separated since the accident. In fact, the last time we were apart is when our tragedy happened. Ryan left for Canada just hours before Macie was killed. We are looking forward to camp, but I am having way too many flashbacks of that day. Please pray that we return safely and Ryan and Carter stay out of harms way.
Thank you!

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Grass

Cemeteries seem to have a life cycle of their own. This is something that I never realized until a cemetery became a part of our life. Within the last 14 months, I have noticed how the cemetery changes with the seasons and with each new burial.

It's very obvious when someone new has been buried. There is a large rectangle of dirt and usually fresh flowers placed on top. Within a week or two, the flowers disappear, and a temporary grave marker shows up in their place. The dirt starts to settle, and eventually sod and a headstone will be placed on the rectangular patch of dirt. Even though the sod is added, it is still very obvious that the site is still new. The rectangle is still visible, reminding you that your loved one is below. The sod is either very green and lush, or it is dried out due to a lack of rain. For the first year, you can still see that rectangle.

During the winter months, Macie's sod stayed green while the grass around it went dormant. It was still obvious where her grave was dug. Well this week, I went to the cemetery to see the landscape stones and the flowers that my mother had planted. What I saw took me by surprise. It wasn't the beautiful arrangement in front of the headstone that shocked me; it was the grass. The sod has now been established, and the native species have moved in and mixed with the new grass. The result is a plot of grass that is indistinguishable from the surrounding area. Her rectangle was gone. I realized how long she has been gone. There isn't a trace of the ground ever being disturbed. Macie's site has become a part of the landscape. The ground has healed from it's scars, but our hearts haven't.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Where to start.....

Well, it's been over a month since I have blogged, and I really don't know where to begin. This has been on my to-do list for way too long, but I just don't have any way of articulating my feelings or emotions (I've never been a writer...remember I'm a biology teacher). It was just easier to put this aside....I guess part of me just thought that if I ignored it, then maybe an entire year didn't really pass. Unfortunately, it did. I can't believe I have lived a year without my daughter. I must have been in auto-pilot the entire time because I just can't wrap my mind around this entire experience. I will save the "what I learned through pain" for another time, but for now I thought it would just be best to catch you up....so here I go.

Let's see...March 26, 2010-some wonderful friends of ours thought it would be a great idea to have a memorial dinner for Macie-and of course they were right. The church let them use a large room, and they made dinner for our close friends and family. It was a time to reflect on the year and remember Macie (not that any of us forget). It's amazing how many wonderful people God has put in our lives. We are so thankful to all of you!!!! remember I don't like using other names on here, but you know who you are, and we love you all!!!!!!

March 27, 2010-Well, we all know what that day is. The dreaded anniversary day. I think the anticipation of this day was actually worse than the day itself. The day really didn't feel any different than the other 364 days of hell we experienced. Ryan and Jordan woke-up early and went turkey hunting (it was the first day of Jordan's youth hunt...ironic huh?). It was really good to have something exciting for Jordan to do that day. Actually, the kids didn't even know what day it was....we just thought it would be best to not bring it up.

It was also opening day for Rookies soccer, and it was Carter's first soccer game ever (can you believe my baby is actually old enough for sports???). Much to my surprise, he got onto the field and hid his face in his shirt...I never saw that one coming (he is finally playing now, but the season will end tomorrow-oh well). After Carter's game, we went to the cemetery, came home and ate some lunch, planted some flowers (a gift from another woman living with grief), and realized that my kids' school books, art supplies, and paper work had taken over my dinning room. So, I did what I like to do best-I organized!!!! I just couldn't take the mess anymore, and I cleaned the rest of the day.

March 28, 2010- I painted (another thing I like to do). It all started with a beautiful quilt. Right before Christmas, some women from church made us a beautiful quilt made with Macie's clothes. I placed it carefully on the rocking chair in my room, but I just knew it wasn't where it belonged. So in early March, I hung it in Macie and Kaylee's room. That alone was hard to do because I had to paint over, and cover up, their names that I had hand-painted in their room. Once it was hanging there, I realized that the pink-with-black-swirls walls were clashing with the quilt. I let it go because I spent soooooo much time on that room.

But right before the anniversary, I was given another quilt from one of Macie's teammates. She was given the quilt that was actioned off at the Macie memorial fun night at the YMCA, and she wanted us to have it. So I hung that quilt on another wall in their room. With two gorgeous quilts now hanging in the room, it was time to repaint and give the room new life.

Shortly before the accident, Macie was asking to paint her room aqua. I said "no" because I just redecorated their room less than a year before that. So to honor her, we bought Kaylee a comforter with lots of aqua in it, and decided on a lavender color for the walls to match the quilts. The quilts now stand out, and Macie's room has the aqua she was asking for.

I also moved all of Macie's trophies, ribbons, and memorabilia above her bunk bed. It's our little sanctuary. I find myself there occasionally, and Kaylee likes to go up there to write in her journal and draw. However, we don't allow anyone else to go on her bed.

April 4, 2010- Easter. This was the second Easter without Macie. There was a distinct difference between this Easter and last Easter. Of course, Easter was only two weeks after the accident last year, and I was barely functioning and had absolutely nothing to look forward to. This year was different. I realized that there is absolutely NO reason to be sad on Easter!!!! The resurrection of Jesus is THE only thing that gives us hope, so how could we ever be sad on a day that celebrates what Christ did for us??? Without Easter, I would never see Macie again. I actually looked forward to this day with anticipation. That doesn't mean that I didn't miss Macie, and that they pain went away, but I had a new perspective. We also had our family from Michigan come for a visit. We stuffed over 400 eggs for an Easter egg hunt in our back yard, and all the family came over after church. The weather was perfect, and the kids had so much fun with their cousins. One of our older cousins brought a costume from her daycare, and she dressed up like the easter bunny for all the little ones. My kids have always known that the easter bunny is not real (we've always stressed the importance of Christ on Easter) and they were able to keep the secret and have fun with it!

The kids with the Michigan crew

Easter day 2010

Here are a couple pictures from the past.....

Well, I'm really tired right now. I will post again very soon. Good night.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The weekend

What a strange weekend. We celebrated Jordan's 10th birthday, and the YMCA held the 1st annual Macie Crow Memorial Invitational Meet....talk about emotionally exhausting!

Jordan's 9th birthday was the last time we had Macie at a family celebration. She passed away a week after Jordan's birthday party last year. Being lost in our grief, we sometimes forget about the miracle we have in front of us-Jordan. He could have easily been killed with her that day. He was trapped for 2 hours by a thousand pound slab of concrete. How did he survive with very minimal injuries??? Only God could do that! But then we question why the same God didn't do the same for Macie. There are so many questions that will never be answered on this side of eternity.

We are so blessed and thankful that the YMCA is keeping Macie's memory alive. Her memory dying would be equally painful, so thank you to all of you that remind us that you still think of Macie. Kaylee competed in the memorial meet, which was difficult for us. No little girl should have to compete in a gymnastics meet that is named after her deceased older sister. She is such a brave little girl. She has to attend practice without her sister by her side and compete without her here to cheer her on. At the end of the award ceremony, Kaylee was acknowledged, and we presented her with a World's Bravest Gymnast Award and some bouquets of flowers. I will post some pictures in a couple days.

Please keep praying for us as we approach the anniversary of Macie's death.

You can see pictures of my birthday boy on the Crow's Nest (the link on the left of this page). I will also put some of Kaylee's meet pictures there as well.

Monday, March 8, 2010

It's March

Well, it's finally March. This used to be one of my favorite times of the year. My crocuses are blooming, my daffodils, tulips, and lilies are emerging. The weather is warming, and the kids are spending a lot of time outside. March is the month of our wedding anniversary (11 years this past Saturday) and our firstborn's birthday (Jordan will be 10 this year...I just can't believe it). But now, March has become a very ugly month for us. It now marks tragedy and sadness.

Yesterday, our church held a service to remember and reflect on the events that took Pastor Fred's life on March 8, 2009. I wasn't prepared to feel as heartbroken as I did. In fact, my knees buckled several times, and the waves of helplessness rushed through, and I felt as if I were sitting at Macie's funeral again. I know that it was a day to remember our pastor, but what the 1500 people sitting around us in service didn't realize is that the week of his death marked the beginning of our story.

Last March, Ryan and I were sitting in the church waiting for Pastor Fred's funeral to begin when he received the phone call from Canada asking him to pack his bags and come work for a month. We spent the next two weeks (still in shock over the events that occurred in our own church) getting his passport, filling out paper work, packing bags, and preparing to not have Ryan with us for 4 or 5 weeks. Little did we know that the day he flew away, was going to be the last day of Macie's life.

Yesterday, some friends at church could tell by the look on my face that I wasn't having a good day. A lot of people were asking if I was okay? Well, the answer to that question is NO. Yes, we are okay physically and spiritually, the kids are thriving, our marriage is great, and we still have fun as a family everyday. There isn't a day that goes by where we still don't laugh and appreciate our lives. We are functioning pretty well. We keep up with the kids activities, stay on tract with their school work, and maintain the house (I'll admit that it isn't as clean and organized as I would like..but I know that there are more important things in life). So then why is my answer no?

While we are doing as well as we can and healing, I'm still not okay with what happened, and I never will be. There is an empty seat at the table, an empty seat in the van, there is an empty bed every evening, there is an extra robe hanging on the girl's wall, I can no longer divide packages of juice boxes evenly, there are more boys than girls in the house, we attend one less gymnastics practice a week, we only attend one gymnastics meet during a weekend instead of two, and Kaylee no longer has a sister to grow up with. Another thing that really bothers me is when I take the kids grocery shopping or to Walmart. There is always someone in the checkout lane that says, "Wow, you have your hands full with three kids." I want to scream out and yell shut up! I have 4 kids and my hands are not full!!! They never were. I didn't mind taking my kids with me to the store. When Carter was a baby, I would put him on my chest, put the other three kids in a cart, and pile everything around them. It was a pretty funny site. Of course the kids are older now and they walk beside me, but I still only have 3 kids with me, and it is just too easy. None of these things are okay with me! I absolutely hate them.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


I'll admit it....I'm a big fan of Apolo Anton Ohno's, but I have not watched him skate yet. In fact, every time I see the Olympics on my television, I walk by and turn it off. I just can't stomach it right now, and I know that seems strange. Every time I hear the words, Winter Olympics, my mind flashes back to our little 2 bedroom house on Prickett Avenue. I see Jordan, almost 2 years old, playing on the floor, and I am holding a beautiful, brown eyed, brown hair, 6 month old little baby named Macie. She was the most adorable baby in the world with those huge eyes and spiky hair. I can still remember Ryan and I sitting on the couch, holding our daughter, and watching men's speed skating. The games are just another ugly reminder of how our life has changed.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalm 18:2

Ryan and I haven't been doing so well...The cold and dark days just add to the depression we feel. I think this month has been one of the hardest so far. The kids seem to be hurting a little more these days too. The idea of living with this hurt the rest of our lives is very daunting. There are so many days that I don't think I can do it. We have to put our trust in God, but it just really, really hard right now.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Going crazy....

Kaylee turned 7 this week (the age Macie was when she died), and I wasn't expecting it to bother me so much....but it did. I look at how young and small Kaylee is, and it's just not fair for a little girl that young to die. There is so much Macie didn't get to see, do, and experience, and I am having a really hard time dealing with that right now. Kaylee gets to celebrate another birthday, but Macie didn't....how is that fair??? I'm scared of loosing Kaylee too. There is just something about the age of 7 that is really freaking me out right now! Just pray for us.....

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

OK, let's face it. When you lose a child, you don't feel loved by God. You feel like a terrible parent who's being punished by Him. You can't understand why the death happened and why God didn't prevent it. Fortunately, we know that God is good and He doesn't make mistakes, He even sends little reminders that He has Macie in His care, and He does love us.

I want to share a little God moment I had before Christmas....

It was a week before Christmas, and I was wrapping gifts and organizing them in nice little piles to ensure that each child had the same amount of presents. I looked down and realized I only had 3 piles, and my heart just shattered. I wanted to go out and purchase gifts for Macie, but I knew it wouldn't fix the hurt or fill the void, so I rejected the idea and continued to wrap.

That moment continued to haunt me, and they pain intensified as my birthday approached (my birthday is 6 days before Christmas). I was surprised by how heart sick I was on my birthday. Macie loved to make little gifts, cards, and books, and I didn't receive any from her this year. She didn't help make me a cake, she didn't sing happy birthday, and she didn't harass me about being older than Ryan. It just wasn't the same without her.

I was sitting on the couch having a pity party for myself, and I asked Ryan to get the mail. He brought in a package addressed to me. I opened it up, and inside were two shirts with the most beautiful scriptures on them... and they fit! I thought to myself, what a cool birthday gift, and I immediately felt the love of God and my mood lightened.

What I didn't tell you is that they are from a woman on the other side of the country. She found my blog and prays for us daily. She has sent cards or gifts before, and they are always at the most incredible times. She has no idea what size I am or when my birthday is. I have her e-mail address, so I sent a quick note telling her thank you and explaining how they arrived on my birthday. She sent the following reply, and it just shows how creative and loving God is.


Well...all I can say is...thank You Lord. I initially placed the shirt orders in November (that in itself took me a bit because I kept second guessing sizes). Before they mailed them, they called me and questioned the sizes. Long story short, they were cut differently, so I ordered what they recommended and, lo and behold, I was right and they were wrong. They were very apologetic and shipped the correct ones free and all. Then we were away for a week. When I got home they were waiting with eeeeeeeevvvvvvverything else at the post office. I'm telling you all of this because I'm amazed again at God's timing...and great love. HE knew it was your birthday; I did not. So...He orchestrated the supposed mistakes just so you'd get them at HIS right time :) As far as the shirts I picked, I remember you mentioning about the Psalm. Can't remember if I told you this already, but that shirt was released right at the time of that particular blog post. The Peace one was shortly thereafter.