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Sunday was father's day, and we made it through another holiday. We had additional reasons to celebrate. Kaylee, my sister, my parents, and in-laws were all baptized that day!!! It was hard not having Macie to celebrate with us. However, our spirits were lifted, when we saw my father and father-in-law, walk out of the dressing room with robes on that were entirely too short! We were all laughing at them and had to find longer robes! I thought about posting the picture (with the robes above their knees), but I think we have tortured them enough. I did include the pictures of the rest of the family. It turned out to be a good day.
We have officially transitioned into summer. I have successfully taken the kids swimming, we went to a carnival, we have caught lightening bugs, and went fishing. I have dreaded doing all of these things without my daughter, but I know that I still need to give my other children a fun life. It would be easy to lock myself in my room and sleep all the time, but that wouldn't benefit anyone. We will be going to Michigan next week for the 4th of July- I'm thinking that it will be good to get away for awhile.
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI pray tonight for rest for you and your family. May the Lord supernaturally enable each of you to enter His rest spiritually, physically, & emotionally as you press through the painful darkness. I'm sick with grief for you right now. I'm thinking of my own 4 children...just can't even go there...who could until faced with it...and even then...
I KNOW that the Lord will hold you through this. I know it will be complete agony most days even knowing this...grieving with hope as the Chapmans label it...catastrophic sadness was a description MBC used. When asked how they were doing she said, "breathing" because it's involuntary and that's all they could do. I have seen them move forward through their pain. I don't know that anyone who suffers in this way "gets over" the pain. Impossible I think. But...as you cling to the Truth...to Jesus Himself...and remind yourself that every promise is truly certain... He WILL get you through. May He do exceeding abundantly MORE than you could ask or even imagine in carrying you through this. May He command His angels charge over all of you to guard you in all of your ways. May His peace fill all of you in ways you never dreamed possible.
I ask a special blessing over Jordan. May the strong hands of our Saviour hold his heart and heal his hurts. May every bit of false guilt be removed from his life from this day forth. May the Lord lift each of you out of the miry clay and set your feet upon a Rock. May He give you a new song to sing. I don't understand how that all works. I really don't. I have seen the Lord's hand at work so many times, but this is beyond my comprehension BUT...if I say I believe I have to believe especially in the midst of trials like this. Our life is a vapor. Eternity is not. May the Lord give you some sort of vision or picture of eternity that will speak directly to your heart so that you'll KNOW it'll all be made right...that you will indeed see Macie again...that every tear will be wiped away...that clinging to him in the midst of agony will prove to be worth every ounce of pain.
I'm sorry to carry on. I wish I could just hug you and let you sob. Hold each other close. I read in one of your posts that your kids were sleeping with you. Let it be. Don't worry about it. Right now, you are Jesus to them. You are the arms of the Father. Hold them close. Offer what comfort you can to each other. If all that can be is holding each other, then hold each other. "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him...for the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." If we're called to be Jesus' hands & feet -- the body of Christ -- I think you'd do well to be His shoulders to your children...
Praying,
Claudine
Amanda and Ryan,
ReplyDeleteThere is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you guys since Macie's accident. I have wanted to contact you several times just to let you know I was thinking of your family and that you were in my prayers every day. I came to the funeral home in the hopes that I could offer some kind of support and then didn't even have the guts to approach you because I knew there was nothing I could say or do to bring you any kind of peace over the loss of Macie. I'm not sure I can now either.
I know every emotion that flows through your body regarding Macie, because like you I lost my daughter in an terrible accident over 7 years ago. I am the mother of five wonderful daughters, four of whom I speak to every day and one that lives on in my heart forever.
I still have days that blindside me, when the ache for her is so intense it paralyzes me. The need or the want to hear her voice, to hold her, to watch her throw her head back and laugh out loud, just to be able to watch her grow up and wonder what she would have become. I understand what it feels like when you think you are losing your mind and you have to convince yourself to get a grip. I still have those days. You are not alone, ever!
It is not my intention to upset you. I just wanted you to know if you ever need someone to bounce off of, that knows how you feel, the door is always open.
Just so you know that I am not a complete stranger, I went to school with both of your in-laws and Penny and Pam are my best friends and know how to contact me, if needed.
God bless you and your family!