The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalm 18:2
Ryan and I haven't been doing so well...The cold and dark days just add to the depression we feel. I think this month has been one of the hardest so far. The kids seem to be hurting a little more these days too. The idea of living with this hurt the rest of our lives is very daunting. There are so many days that I don't think I can do it. We have to put our trust in God, but it just really, really hard right now.
About Me
- Crow
- Hello and welcome to my blog! My name is Amanda Crow. I am a mother of four amazing children: three who are here with me on earth, and one who is awaiting our reunion in heaven. I am a homeschooling mom who embraces the life God has given me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Going crazy....
Kaylee turned 7 this week (the age Macie was when she died), and I wasn't expecting it to bother me so much....but it did. I look at how young and small Kaylee is, and it's just not fair for a little girl that young to die. There is so much Macie didn't get to see, do, and experience, and I am having a really hard time dealing with that right now. Kaylee gets to celebrate another birthday, but Macie didn't....how is that fair??? I'm scared of loosing Kaylee too. There is just something about the age of 7 that is really freaking me out right now! Just pray for us.....
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Jesus Loves Me This I Know...
OK, let's face it. When you lose a child, you don't feel loved by God. You feel like a terrible parent who's being punished by Him. You can't understand why the death happened and why God didn't prevent it. Fortunately, we know that God is good and He doesn't make mistakes, He even sends little reminders that He has Macie in His care, and He does love us.
I want to share a little God moment I had before Christmas....
It was a week before Christmas, and I was wrapping gifts and organizing them in nice little piles to ensure that each child had the same amount of presents. I looked down and realized I only had 3 piles, and my heart just shattered. I wanted to go out and purchase gifts for Macie, but I knew it wouldn't fix the hurt or fill the void, so I rejected the idea and continued to wrap.
That moment continued to haunt me, and they pain intensified as my birthday approached (my birthday is 6 days before Christmas). I was surprised by how heart sick I was on my birthday. Macie loved to make little gifts, cards, and books, and I didn't receive any from her this year. She didn't help make me a cake, she didn't sing happy birthday, and she didn't harass me about being older than Ryan. It just wasn't the same without her.
I was sitting on the couch having a pity party for myself, and I asked Ryan to get the mail. He brought in a package addressed to me. I opened it up, and inside were two shirts with the most beautiful scriptures on them... and they fit! I thought to myself, what a cool birthday gift, and I immediately felt the love of God and my mood lightened.
What I didn't tell you is that they are from a woman on the other side of the country. She found my blog and prays for us daily. She has sent cards or gifts before, and they are always at the most incredible times. She has no idea what size I am or when my birthday is. I have her e-mail address, so I sent a quick note telling her thank you and explaining how they arrived on my birthday. She sent the following reply, and it just shows how creative and loving God is.
Amanda,
Well...all I can say is...thank You Lord. I initially placed the shirt orders in November (that in itself took me a bit because I kept second guessing sizes). Before they mailed them, they called me and questioned the sizes. Long story short, they were cut differently, so I ordered what they recommended and, lo and behold, I was right and they were wrong. They were very apologetic and shipped the correct ones free and all. Then we were away for a week. When I got home they were waiting with eeeeeeeevvvvvvverything else at the post office. I'm telling you all of this because I'm amazed again at God's timing...and great love. HE knew it was your birthday; I did not. So...He orchestrated the supposed mistakes just so you'd get them at HIS right time :) As far as the shirts I picked, I remember you mentioning about the Psalm. Can't remember if I told you this already, but that shirt was released right at the time of that particular blog post. The Peace one was shortly thereafter.
I want to share a little God moment I had before Christmas....
It was a week before Christmas, and I was wrapping gifts and organizing them in nice little piles to ensure that each child had the same amount of presents. I looked down and realized I only had 3 piles, and my heart just shattered. I wanted to go out and purchase gifts for Macie, but I knew it wouldn't fix the hurt or fill the void, so I rejected the idea and continued to wrap.
That moment continued to haunt me, and they pain intensified as my birthday approached (my birthday is 6 days before Christmas). I was surprised by how heart sick I was on my birthday. Macie loved to make little gifts, cards, and books, and I didn't receive any from her this year. She didn't help make me a cake, she didn't sing happy birthday, and she didn't harass me about being older than Ryan. It just wasn't the same without her.
I was sitting on the couch having a pity party for myself, and I asked Ryan to get the mail. He brought in a package addressed to me. I opened it up, and inside were two shirts with the most beautiful scriptures on them... and they fit! I thought to myself, what a cool birthday gift, and I immediately felt the love of God and my mood lightened.
What I didn't tell you is that they are from a woman on the other side of the country. She found my blog and prays for us daily. She has sent cards or gifts before, and they are always at the most incredible times. She has no idea what size I am or when my birthday is. I have her e-mail address, so I sent a quick note telling her thank you and explaining how they arrived on my birthday. She sent the following reply, and it just shows how creative and loving God is.
Amanda,
Well...all I can say is...thank You Lord. I initially placed the shirt orders in November (that in itself took me a bit because I kept second guessing sizes). Before they mailed them, they called me and questioned the sizes. Long story short, they were cut differently, so I ordered what they recommended and, lo and behold, I was right and they were wrong. They were very apologetic and shipped the correct ones free and all. Then we were away for a week. When I got home they were waiting with eeeeeeeevvvvvvverything else at the post office. I'm telling you all of this because I'm amazed again at God's timing...and great love. HE knew it was your birthday; I did not. So...He orchestrated the supposed mistakes just so you'd get them at HIS right time :) As far as the shirts I picked, I remember you mentioning about the Psalm. Can't remember if I told you this already, but that shirt was released right at the time of that particular blog post. The Peace one was shortly thereafter.
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